U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
