I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
