ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
