Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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