Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
