just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
