why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
