At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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