I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
