after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
