You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here