It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
