I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..