I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.