I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
