so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
