mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
