Acid is not a monday night drug
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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