Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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