my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
