If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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