So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
