I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
