my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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