I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
