plz talk dirty to me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
