i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
