she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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