Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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