I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
