Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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