I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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