I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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