I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
