The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
