Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
