dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
