That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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