I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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