I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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