Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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