So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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