i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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