i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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