3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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