Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
