You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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