i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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