im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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