I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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