between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
