can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
