What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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