Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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