thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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