I wanna bring you to show and tell
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
