I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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