Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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