you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
