his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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