if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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