Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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