my soul wont recognize me after tonight
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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