I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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