If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
