vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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