Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
