That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
