But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
