i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
