I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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