I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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