Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
