Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
