her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
