Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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